radiating29

I had the most improper response to a friends New Years engagement yesterday.  As others were “oohing” and “ahhing” over the ring and the surprise proposal I laughed.  Out loud.  Not a light little chuckle either.  The kind that bellows from inside and seems to scream “I’m a bad friend!”.  The laugh came as I was thinking “chump”.

Not that he’s a bad guy.  They’re actually a cute couple.  And marriage seems to be right for some.  But for me, at the ripe ol’ age of 28 (turning 29 this year) the idea of being tied to someone for the rest of my life, having to make compromises and all those other marriage related duties makes me shudder.  Another shudder as I write this.

I was once under the impression that I was the only person who felt this way.  For the past few years I’ve been battling what I think life should be all about and what society (and parents) seems to think I should think it’s all about.  I don’t want to stay at a job I hate merely because it’s a job with an income.  I don’t want to stay with a guy if his voice annoys me just because he has potential.  I don’t want a fixer-upper!  The world is at my fingertips!  Why should I settle???

I did settle once.  When I was in college I was under pressure to graduate in 4 years.  Never mind the fact that I was attending a University in California which was dubbed “the largest community college in California.”  Along with the time pressure, everything I wanted to study was met with the question “What job are you going to do with that degree?”.  So I settled for a degree that would presumably get me “a good job” and which I could finish in 4 years.  Was it what I wanted to study?  No.  Does it irritate me?  Yes!  Do I regret it?  No.

Ten years after starting my first degree and now I’m beginning my second degree.  In those ten years I have had an absolute blast.  I’ve had serious boyfriends and destination boyfriends.  I’ve had several jobs.  Lived in five countries.  Ordered beer in nine languages.  Met scores of international expats and came back to California with friends all over the world.  But this is not enough.  I want more.

Like millions of others I have resolutions for 2009.  This is the year of “ME”.  I’m going to challenge my mind, my belief system and why I think it’s OK to be 29, single and absolutely loving life.  I’m not going to look back.  I’m going to take every experience that I have ever had and make it work for me.  This is my year.  My horoscope promised!